Friends....

I have lately found it very confusing to state whom does one call a friend? When we are young we are so clear who is a friend and who is not. We are even sure who is our best friend and who is not our friend at all. However, now I find it really confusing. I have gone from feeling a person as a friend few months ago and suddenly realising that may be she is actually not a friend after all. I am just wondering what causes our mind to come to such contrasting conclusions. 

So who do we call a friend? Some one we like or some one who likes us? Some one who makes us laugh or some one who fights with us freely? Some one who knows to keep her behavior in check around you or some one who acts as free as possible with you? Some one who always makes you feel good about yourself or some one who shows you your ugly side from time to time? Some one who is always there for you or some one who always tries to help her best when she is there for you? Some one who is always honest to you or some one who chooses what to tell you on the basis what won't hurt you? Some one who listens to all your talks or some one who understands you even when you don't say much? Some one who acts all good with you all the time or some one who is at times mean with you too? SO many questions. I am not sure if there is any right answer, at least, for myself. 

Next question is where do you find friends? Do you find them only in school and colleges? Can one find them in family? Can we find friends ever in our elders or will they always be friend like category? I have heard it so many times that don't try to find friends at your work place as you will only be disillusioning your self. But is it so? Can we not at all find friends at your work place? What percentage of this so called 'true friendship' should be there to be able to name a relationship as friendship? Is it possible that we make friends even without realising that they are our friends?  

How does one make friends? Can one even make friends or is it a very natural process that happens on its own? Are there ways to make some one a better friend? 

I have experienced that at times even a single meeting of two people of less than an hour is enough to make people realize that they are going to be friends forever and at times even a life time is less to make some one a friend of yours. What is it inside you that gives you this realization? Is it possible that we can make everybody a good friend with different and special efforts? or is it impossible to make everybody a good friend? Is it possible that some one can be a very good friend to you but not vice-versa? If yes, then is one-sided friendship really a friendship? 

God so many questions... I am sure I have answers to all the above some where inside me at a deep down corner. I am just not able to see it right now. May be I will. Amen!

Life is such a mystery. One moment one feels herself resting at the seventh sky above the light blue colored clouds and then another moment one feels herself under a grave which is probably on the eleventh floor underground. It is so hard to explain such moments to yourself. They leave you with a turmoil as what place do you have in this world, in someone's (special) life, at your workplace etc. Well the irony is that such moments pass with the next blow of wind so smoothly that one even wonders whether they ever came or was it an illusion ( a creation of one's silly mind).
Well (if anyone reading this) you must be wondering what the hell I writing and have in mind while drafting this blog. May be it is actually my silly mind only which feels like this. It has happened so many times that because of communication gap or because of my stupid imagination power (otherwise which is very interesting.... :) ) leads me to think that I am not good enough.

Aaina Kyan Bole?

Aksar jab aaina dekhti hoon... toh yeh khayaal aata hai,
ki kya dikhta hai- bachpan, jawani ya budapa?
jo bhi dikhe... lekin kya sheesha har baar sach bolta hai?
Sab kehte hai badi ho chuki hoon main... budape ki aur kadam bada rahi hoon main

Phir jab bhi aaina dekhti hoon... toh bachpan hi kyon nazar aata hai?
Ab bhi aankhon mein woh shararat hai... jo rasoi se achar churate waqt hoti thi
Ab bhi woh sawaal sunai padte hai... Jo koi bhi nai baat jaankar uthte the
Ab bhi woh josh mahsoos hota hai... Jo koi bhi naya kaam karte waqt hota tha
Ab bhi woh hi sapne nazar mein hai... jo gudiya se khelte waqt hote the

Ab bhi ji chahta hai ki koi mujhe bigaade
Ab bhi ji chahta hai ki koi mujhe sanwaare
Ab bhi ji chahta hai ki koi mere saath waqt bitaaye
Ab bhi ji chahta hai ki koi mujhe sataaye
Ab bhi ji chahta hai ki koi mujhe manaaye
Ab bhi ji chahta hai ki koi mujhe hansaaye

Phir kyon sab kehte hain mujhe bada... kyon kisi ko woh bachpan aata nahin nazar?
bachpan agar pehchaan bhi le koi... toh kyon use galat bataaya jaata hai?
Kyan umra ke sachmuch itne kade pehre hain? Kya duniya ke sachmuch itne chehre hain?
Aksar jab aaina dekhti hoon... toh yeh khaayal aata hai....

Last time I was going in an auto and I saw a woman beggar carrying her baby in her arms. She was also carrying a feeding bottle and was asking for money to feed her child. For a moment I really thought of giving her the money but then I decided I won't (although it was still a moral dilemma for me as what to do) as it may promote them and I was not even sure whether she was genuine or not.

Then the auto moved and on another red light I saw four more such women, carrying their babies in their arms and a feeding bottle and asking for money. That really disgusted me with the feeling that how could these women use their babies for such a job. But at the same time I felt a pity for them especially those who are actually genuine and are left with no other option. I know that giving them money might promote their habit of begging but it is still very difficult to just see them in such bad condition and walk away. At those moments I feel a major moral dilemma and at the same time I feel as if humanity is gradually fading from the world. There are so many moments when it becomes so hard to decide what is the best thing to do but what i find the worst thing about such moments is the fact that they leave you feeling killing your humane feeling gradually. I wish I knew how to help both sides of people, those beggars and people like me.

I know many of the people may not feel the same way but I just wrote what I feel everytime I have to wait for the red light to turn green.

Hello!
This is the first blog I am writing ever. Well I am not a good writer but what I can say is that I am a writer. I want to dedicate each post of the blog to whom I keep talking most and that is most probably myself or may be God (I dont leave her with any other choice). Well it is definitely dedicated to those as well who will read it (if I find someone to read it). Suddenly I realised that I start a lot of sentences with 'well'. I dont think that I will be writing only in English. I may write in Hinglish as well that is writing Hindi in english font.